Pondering …. I mean I am REALLY pondering ….

What if I was born . . .

• into a non-Christian family
• in a third-world country
• into poverty
• to a crack-addicted mom
• with AIDS
• in a totally different culture where Jesus’ name was never mentioned
• into a minority in my country
• without loving parents
• with birth defects
• with mental disabilities
• with barely enough nourishment to survive
• to someone homeless
• to someone who really didn’t want to have me
• and immediately placed in a crib in an orphanage
• with no one to hold me … or hug me … or kiss me
• with not one smile given to me as an infant
• into hopelessness?

What if I grew up . . .

• in a non-Christian home
• without ever hearing the name of Jesus except in cursing
• without running water or clean water
• with abusive or alcoholic or drug addicted parents
• without Bible stories
• with yelling and screaming and cursing
• in a third-world country
• without ever hearing the words “I love you” or “You have value”
• on the street
• knowing not one single Christian
• having no church nearby
• with lots of sickness
• with my race being a “minority”
• without one single caring adult in my life
• with abusive siblings
• with no encouragement … ever
• in the slums or the inner city
• on the streets of Calcutta or Nepal
• addicted to drugs through no fault of my own
• with no friends at school
• with no help with homework
• without proper dental or medical care
• with fear of going home
• lacking basic necessities of living
• never singing or hearing songs of joy
• without ever seeing Hope?

What if I lived everyday . . .

• in a non-Christian home
• without clean water or running water
• in a third-world country
• on the streets
• in the inner city
• with an empty stomach
• without a car or any means of transportation
• with an abusive husband
• without heat
• with children who didn’t love me or didn’t care
• with physical or mental disabilities
• with no friends or support system
• with people looking down on me because I was a different race
• without a Bible
• without a bed
• with no Christian church close by to attend
• in extreme poverty
• without medical care
• without access to computer, radio, or television
• without access to books
• without music
• without the voice of Hope

I wonder …. I just wonder.
Where would I look for hope? Would I even try? What if someone out there had Hope in them and could share that Hope with me but didn’t because of being “trapped” in their own comfortable life?
My life is so filled with good things. Blessings beyond measure. I look at this list and realize that none of these things apply to me. And I must ask myself this question: Am I TOO blessed that I’m unable to comprehend life outside of what I’ve known or come to expect? I think that subtly I’ve fallen into the trap of “entitlement” without even realizing it. I sing that He’s my all in all. My everything. But the truth is, the reality is, that He’s never had to be. I admit that I’ve never ONLY had Jesus. I also admit to feelings of fear at even typing it. Would I trust Him and love Him and serve if I had ONLY HIM?
Will I find a way to share the Hope I have with others?

I have pondered the cross. His death. His sacrifice. His life! I have ALL this and more …. and deserve none of it. I have decided I am way to comfortable with my blessings and not near thankful enough. Honestly, I’ve been overwhelmed with these thoughts today. Not because of guilt or condemnation by the enemy. Not at all. But because I became acutely aware of my sinfulness and selfishness…. and I am convicted to the core!

I am living an amazing life.
I serve an amazing Savior.
I am praying today that the former realization (that I have an amazing life) isn’t leading me to the latter (that I serve an amazing Savior), but that the latter realization is leading me to the former. I’m not sure I’m there yet. But I know that I want to be.

Please, Father God, may I only boast in You. And may I be so filled with thankfulness at Your goodness and grace that I whine less and less! May I share the Hope within me to a world that has none. Blessed be the name of the LORD.