Today was not my fav. Not because it was Monday. It was actually pretty good for a Monday. I got some things done I needed to do, and this afternoon I had a nice stroll with my friend that I really enjoyed. But stuck in between this and that was something that put a cloud of reality on this otherwise nice day.
Most likely, Buddy will get a new family one day soon … and it’s probably not going to be “us.” After the social worker left today, Brent and I looked at each other with that look. The look that says how hard this is going to be. The goodbyes. The look that communicates that even though we know deep down that God is completely in control and that He is good … very good … that the day we knew may come, could possibly be sooner than later now. Yes, the look. And the look is all there is today, because the words are stuck in our throats.
I was obviously in some other room – or world – when they told us that the picture and name of our little 3-year old would go all over the nation. Every native family desiring to adopt will have the opportunity to look online, see the face of this little guy and put in an application to our local agency to adopt him. So, my initial reaction to that was: Who wouldn’t want to adopt this cutie??!
In fact, she told us that one of the little girls in the foster care system right now has at least 10 families who have filed an application to adopt her (from all over the nation). She told us that he could have a family in three months or so. I know that should be good news. But …
I knew this was coming. I knew it in my head. Today, though, it slipped down into my heart a little more than ever. When Nat comes home for spring break in a few weeks, she may be saying goodbye. A real one.
And my Indo kids may not have any more time with this little guy.
None of my kids are real good with goodbyes.
I can wish and hope and pray that this will only be a “see ya later”.
But what if it isn’t? What if it is a forever goodbye?
Here’s when I have to stop thinking, and start praying. God put Buddy (I was told today I should not give his name yet) in our care for a reason. He placed him in our family at this time for a reason. He formed him. He knitted him together and He will do whatever it takes to fulfill His purpose in the life of this little fella.
Tonight I will believe that. I will not dwell on the “what ifs”. I will dwell on the Who – the One Who was and is and is to come. The One Who has yesterday, today and tomorrow in His hands. The One Who has a special place in His heart for the orphan.
Yes, He is the One I will dwell on. He is great. He is good.
Jesus loves me this I know. For the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves Buddy, Yes Jesus loves Buddy ….While I certainly do believe it, I may not be able to sing this one with him tonight.
(For conclusion post in this series: I Wish You Jesus)
6 thoughts on “The Hard Part – Facing Possible Reality – Part Ten”
Praying for you tonight, Melodye. We have a family in our small group who are foster parents and have walked this road several times. I know it will be difficult, but I am so thankful for the role that God has had you fill in Buddy's life. I have no doubt you have filled it exceedingly well.
Thanks for that encouragement, Anita. Thanks so much!!
Oh good grief, now I'm crying too. I cannot imagine the feeling of letting him go. Last week I got a vitamin stuck in my throat and it was awful. And this is minor compared to letting this little guy go and having it stuck. I can't imagine a better family than you guys, but maybe He knows something more. He probably does. I'll continue to pray Mel.
Thanks, sweet friend. I know you will. Pray that I'll believe God for the impossible … because I will be so much better if he were to go to a family who will keep loving him to Jesus. But that's not may call, is it? So pray that I'll trust God because yes, He does know more.
I was just praying this morning that he would go with a Christian family. Can you imagine life without Him to lean on?
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