So, I find the law that when I want to do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God in my inner being. But I see a different law in my members waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? …
On my way to the store this morning, I was somewhat singing and humming along with my CD … ♬ Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee. ♬ I was literally thinking about those words, when at the very next moment I was absolutely frustrated (almost mad) at what I perceived to be really bad drivers along my route! So I proceeded to speak out loud – yes, I was alone in the car – words to them. Something like “how ridiculous” … “Seriously!?” … “Not your turn, lady” …
This happened twice within moments of each other. And as soon as my second string of thoughts and words began to form, conviction came. For one, I was not in a hurry or running late. So why so impatient? For another, as far as I can tell, neither driver was actually intentionally doing me harm. In fact, maybe it was even I who was the bad driver! 🙂
As I began to pray, I felt ashamed. Not because God is mean or spiteful and would hold back His forgiveness, but because of my own immaturity, still so present. I can’t believe that I was so quick to move from “take my life, Lord” to “use your brain, idiots!”
So today I say with Paul (in the language of The Message):
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
And then the answer comes in two wonderful words: BUT GOD!
Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!!
One thought on “Just So Full of Myself!”
Thanks for your authenticity which teaches the rest of us a lot about God and our eternal pursuit of Him!